Why We Search For Love!
In years gone by, the search for love was a lot easier than it is today.
When I was growing up, you would meet at a dance, at a party, or someone would introduce you to the person who would become your life partner. You would take the time to get to know each other, and be slow and intentional about moving forward. You would get married, have children, a home, and build a life full of memories together. And yes, sometimes those relationships became more difficult as time went on, but most of the people I know and have coached, worked thru those difficulties, and would not change a single minute of their journey together.
Deep love, happens when you are both committed to the journey.
Today, we have so many more options, because online dating sites have changed the way people date. Now this can be a good thing, but there are also some drawbacks to online dating. As I said, there are so many options. And because we are an instant society, if one person doesn't look the way we want them to, we no longer take the time to get to know more about who they are rather than what they look like. And we swipe to the next person's profile. When we finally meet the one who has captured our interest, we are often let down, or there is something about them that just doesn't resonate. And so, we swipe on.
For some, the search for love, is never ending.
They are searching for someone to fill a need that they cannot meet on their own.
Many people are extremely lonely and want a partner who will take care of them, and fill the emptiness they feel inside.
And so we find someone to spend time with, make love to, hold on to, which creates Dopamine, the feeling of pleasure. When love is absent, we naturally want more pleasure and so we try to find that feeling over and over again.
The continuous search for love is missing one thing.
When you are continually searching for love, you have not yet figured out that finding love is not about another person, but rather about the love of self, the good bad and the ugly.
Years ago, I had a conversation with a good friend who seemed so happy all the time. She had not had a partner for over a decade. And yet she was happy. I wondered how that was possible, because in those days, I was convinced that I needed someone else to "complete me".
I searched, and I searched for someone who simply did not exist.
I turned away from love because I simply did not understand what real love looked like.
Real love is about more than words, gifts, lovemaking, and a daily presence. Real love is about loyalty, longevity, unconditional acceptance of all parts of you.
I like to look at the search for love in a different way.
Love will find you when you have found yourself! - Caterina
When you love and accept who you are and what you stand for, you are never lonely.
With self esteem, comes a certain air of confidence (not arrogance) that people will want to be close to. If you have low self esteem, then there are things that you can do to raise it so that you can attract the partner of your dreams.
Another point I like to make when speaking to people about their relationship dreams and goals is to stop looking for a potential partner.
Notice instead. Notice what is right in your world, take your life to the next level by raising your self esteem and notice who shows up.