How To Deal With A Breakup When You Are Still In Love

While you may love your soon to be ex, sometimes you both know that the relationship or situation-ship isn’t going anywhere and it’s time to let each other go.  In fact, it is a loving thing to let go when you know that you can not move forward together.  

Breaking up can be even more difficult when you’re still in love with your soon-to-be ex. However, parting ways may sometimes be in everyone’s best interest.

The phrase “Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough” definitely applies to this type of break up.  

While you may love your soon to be ex, sometimes you both know that the relationship or situationship isn’t going anywhere and it’s time to let each other go.  In fact, it is a loving thing to let go when you know that you can not move forward together.  

Even if you seem like a great match, you may be at different stages of life and pursuing conflicting goals. Maybe you want to settle down and start a family, but your partner wants to buy a boat and sail the world.  When you do decide to end the relationship, take away the good memories that came out of it and leave the rest.  This isn’t about romanticizing and longing for the other person to come back, it is about understanding that there was true love, but neither of you can see a future together. 

Try these ideas for helping you to deal with your breakup and build a brighter future for yourself..

Short-Term Steps:

  1. Get Support. When  you do leave the relationship, make sure you stay connected with family and friends.  Talk to them, and ask them to stand by you during the first while after the breakup.  My caution to you though, is that you don’t want to use them as a crutch.  All to often, I have seen people lean on their family and friends, only to push them away because the conversation is always about the breakup.  You don’t want to depend on others so much that you end up with a victim mind set. 
  2. Limit contact. You may eventually decide to be friends with your ex, but you’ll both benefit from keeping your distance for now. That includes offline and online communications.  Both of you need to agree that once either of you are in a new relationship, it is best to step back even further as the new partner may not be as open minded about friendships with ex’s as you might be.
  3. Practice self-care. Once you have left the relationship, you will want to practice extreme self care so that you can rejuvenate your mind, body and spirit.  Take yourself away for a short holiday or book some spa treatments.  If you are sports minded, exercise a little more often to clear your mind and any anxiety that may come up for you.  You may be tempted to binge on chocolate cake and Romance movies, but you need your strength. Eat a balanced diet, go to bed early, and exercise each day
  4. Clear away reminders. There will probably come a day when you’ll enjoy going through your mementoes but it’s important to put them aside for now so that the healing process will be easier. Pack away anything that might trigger the need to be with your ex again. Give back any clothing or personal items or donate them to charity.

Long-Term Steps:

  1. Be realistic. It’s common to romanticize your old flame, but that can create a false image of your relationship. More importantly, it can set up an impossibly high standard that will keep you from being open to new possibilities.
  2. Let go of regrets. If you’re blaming yourself, remember that you and your ex both played a role in how your relationship ended. Accept the facts and forgive yourself and your ex you so you can move on. There is a lot of freedom in this step.
  3. Enjoy your freedom. Learn how to be comfortable on your own and learn how to self soothe. Spend more time with family and friends. Pursue your favorite interests or discover new ones.
  4. Meet and mingle. When you’re ready to date, explore your options. Think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. Go to places where you can meet singles who share your interests. Ask your friends for introductions. 
  5. Disclose your feelings. If a serious relationship starts to develop while you’re still missing your ex, let your new partner know. Being honest will give them a chance to make informed decisions and build a stronger foundation for your relationship if you stay together.  The best time to start any new relationship is when you are no longer missing your ex, when they rarely cross your mind, and when you feel ready to move on.
  6. Address root issues. Even if your ex remains out of the picture, you may need to deal with the matters that drove you apart. When the initial hurt has passed, evaluate your relationship to see what you can learn. You may want to talk with a professional counselor like me,  if you need some help with this and other areas like the relationship with yourself.
  7. Think positive. Keep in mind that you are worthy of love and happiness just the way you are. Projecting confidence will make you more attractive and make it easier to keep moving forward.

Saying goodbye to someone you love can hurt a lot, but your heart will heal. Treasure the positive aspects of your relationship and use them to inspire you to find a new love that will last.

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