What Is Your Love Language?

Everyone needs to feel loved. It’s vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to love others.  Gary Chapman became famous when he came out with a book called The Five Love Languages.

What Are Love Languages? 

Everyone needs to feel loved. It’s vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to love others.  Gary Chapman became famous when he came out with a book called The Five Love Languages.

There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you’ve figured out what your partner’s love language is you’ll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.

For example, let’s say that your partner likes to hear the words “I love you”. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. Perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Becoming aware that your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it’s not their personal preference of how they like to receive love. 

The Love Languages Explained

  1. Words of Affirmation. Like the example above, some people just like to hear words of love spoken such as “I love you” and “I appreciate everything that you do.” For this type of person, you’ll want to make it a habit to encourage them, and make it a habit to affirm them.  Try verbalizing your appreciations in some way each day. Your partner probably isn’t a mindreader, so the them what you’re thinking and feeling – speak up!
  2. Quality Time. One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn’t mean just casual conversation when with other people; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:  One on one time is important. Choose a certain time each day or week where you’re completely dedicated to your partner. This means that you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, and take some time away from the kids. Think of activities you can do together to really connect. Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it’s the only way you can truly connect with your partner.
  3. Receiving Gifts. Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn’t because they’re greedy or needy; it means they’re visual people who enjoy seeing visual proof of your deepening relationship. If you’re with this type of partner, try these tips:  Even if you enjoy saving rather than spending, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts. Leave loving cards and notes for them. Don’t give gifts everyday, but give gifts that are meaningful.
  4. Acts Of Service. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who’s doing what. Keep these tips in mind:  Everyone has different chores that they deem important. Figure out which ones your partner doesn’t enjoy and do them.  Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate. 
  5. Physical Touch. The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn’t only mean lovemaking. It involves simple touches too. Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television. This is equally important, figure out which touches irritate your partner. Get to know your partner’s moods so you know when to express physical affection.

The Combination

You and your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you’ll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.

After reading the above, each of you might benefit from the following questions 

1.  How can I strengthen my effective listening skills and devote my full attention to my partner when they’re talking with me?

2.  Do we share similar hopes and dreams together? What is our action plan of how we’re going to make them happen? How can we work toward these dreams together?

3.  When we disagree, how do we handle our differing opinions? How can we turn our disagreements into loving communication?

4.  Do I sweat the small stuff? How can I develop more patience and understanding toward my partner?

5.  How do I communicate my love to my spouse? Do I show my love numerous times each day? What else can I do to show my love and fulfill my partner’s needs and desires?

6.  Do we laugh together about something every day? What can I do to bring more humour and fun into our life?

Deepening your relationship is about many things.  Let me know how you do with this.  


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