Let’s Talk About Intimacy – Part 3

Asking Someone Out On A Date First of all, it’s important to find out if they are currently involved with someone, or if they are free to date.   

Asking someone out on a date

In Part 1 and Part 2, we talked about getting to know someone and the art of flirting.  

In this blog, I want to talk to you about asking someone on a date. 

First of all, it’s important to find out if they are currently involved with someone, or if they are free to date.  That is one of the most important things to don’t the beginning of the dating experience, because when you don’t know if they are involved, or if their heart is taken, then it will create hurt feelings later.  Some men and women, don’t share that information with others right away because they don’t mind cheating on their partner.  If their heart belongs to someone already, then they likely won’t be interested in dating anyway, even if they are not currently dating.   

Ok, so now you know that they are free to date, and have shown interest in the possibility of dating you. 

You have likely had several conversations by now, and you have begun the flirting process. Flirting is so much fun, don’t you think, and at some point, it’s time to make the move and ask them out on a date. 

It’s better to ask for a date in person rather than over text or the phone,  because it shows confidence.  Asking over the phone and especially over text, can lead to all kinds of miscommunications and misunderstandings.  

Asking someone out in person can be nerve wracking for some, so I suggest you practice what you are going to say, have your suggestions handy, and go for it.  They will either say yes, or no.  If it’s yes, awesome, if it’s no, they were not meant for you anyway.  

If they happen to say no, when you ask them, please don’t be offended.  In fact, it’s a good thing if they are integral and say no, instead of saying yes, so that neither of you are wasting your time.

When they say yes!


  1. Make sure you ask them out at least 5 days to a week before the actual date.  Asking at the last moment, will leave your potential date wondering if the date is going to end up being a bootie call.  It also gives them time to prepare for the date.  I know many of my clients, and a lot of women friends who want to look their best on the date, and for men it is often the same.  There are things to do.  Shop, beautify, choose what to wear.  You get the picture. 
  2. Ask them what they would like to do for the date.  If they don’t know, be ready with 2 or 3 suggestions of your own. 
  3. I hate to say it, but some, want to go dutch.  In other words, they want the bill to be split in half.  You need to talk about that before hand so that there are no surprises at the end of the date.  Personally, I am old school, and I believe that if a gentleman wants to take me out, then he is offering to foot the bill for the evening.  
  4. Whether you are the girl or the guy on this date, remember this.  Whoever pays, does not have the right to ask for sex or demand it (well demanding it at any time in a relationship is not cool)  on the first date, just because they paid for a meal.  If you do want to have sex on the first date, you are not building any kind of foundation for a long lasting relationship, and are setting it up for bootie calls.  
  5. Set a date, time and place to meet.  
  6. On the first date, and depending on how long you have known each other, it might be best to meet in a public place and go home alone from there.  I can’t tell you how many men and women have come to me, with stories of how they were assaulted, robbed, and so on because they did not pay attention to red flags, leading up to the date. 
  7. If either of you need to make changes to the time and date, please do so as soon as you see a conflict.  

Its an exciting time when people first begin to date.  There are some great men and women still available in our world.  Have some fun with this.   


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